Luv My Box – November

Nov 292012

Luv My Box is a neat idea. Seemingly geared toward couples, Luv My Box allows you to pay $34.95 to receive a that month’s bundle of joy on your doorstep. You can even buy a 3-month subscription to save $5, and I think that being able to buy a subscription to sex toys is pretty cool.

Luv My Box is also selling (gendered) holiday boxes for $20! They recommend buying them for friends, colleagues, sisters, or that secret crush. For obvious reasons, I do not recommend buying a box of mystery sex toys for your colleague or your secret crush. I think a good rule of thumb is that if you can give them sex toys without getting smacked, fired, or accused of sexual harassment, then a Luv My Box holiday box is an acceptable gift.

Anyway, I was sent November’s box to review, and with previous themes such as light bondage (restraints, blindfold, tickler, and a bottle of Sliquid) and bathtime (an I Rub My Ducky vibrator, bath foam, two different soaps, a loofah, and massage/bath oil), you can imagine how eager I was to see what would be in mine. It arrived in discreet packaging (I seriously had no idea what it was when it turned up on my doorstep), and inside I found a little black cardboard box filled with pink paper, black confetti, and goodies.

Image courtesy of LuvMyBox – theirs was way better than mine!

Breaking It Down:

Doc Johnson’s Good Head Oral Delight Gel

I thought Good Head would be a cooling gel for oral sex. I was wrong. Good Head is just Doc Johnson’s answer to, “Why doesn’t dick taste less like dick and more like a mint leaf?”

Oral Sex Dice

They say “privates” to refer to your genitals. Enough said.

Screaming O Ringo Cock Ring

“GET THIS COCK TOURNIQUET OFF ME!”

Cock rings are not for everyone.

Frisk Mints

Frisk mints are STRONG mints, and I’ve always been a fan of those. For starters, the mints are yet another answer to, “What flavors does your cock come in?” However, these actually are effective for providing sensation during oral sex no matter what your genital configuration is. I absolutely love them.

Wet Together His & Hers Lubricant

If you rewrote the gendered labeling, it would say “warming lubricant and tingling lubricant make a baby.”

The first time we tried it, I liberally applied the warming lubricant to his cock with my hands, stroked him for a while with it, then applied the tingling lubricant to myself and hopped on. He said he didn’t really get anything from the warming lubricant, but I distinctly felt like I was riding a cold dildo. The neat thing was that the fresh, tingling feeling didn’t go away for a while.

The warming lubricant also feels kind of dry to the touch when you’re rubbing it on. This was extremely disconcerting to me, but apparently it wasn’t too dry for him.

Swipes Lovin’ Wipes

They’re scented wipes. I like doing sex clean-up with wipes – they’re moist and get rid of that sticky feeling from lube.

There was also a little felt mustache in my box in support of Movember. I spent quite a while holding this up to my face (the wrong way, apparently) and marching around the house.

Who Should Buy It:

Each item seems to add up to provide a total value higher than the $35 you’re paying for the box, but the big question is, is it worth it? I think that depends on the user, and I think it also depends on what’s in the box that month.

I have many heterosexual friends who are in vanilla relationships and have a desire to spice things up, but no idea how to accomplish that. If I was looking for a one-size-fits-most suggestion for these friends, I would recommend Luv My Box to them.

I also have friends who are openly searching for sex toys, haven’t tried enough to establish a preference yet, and just can’t decide on anything. I would hurl Luv My Box at them and run. Do you nance about and find yourself unsure of where to start when you look at a sex toy website? If you don’t want to ask a sex blogger (like me!) then try Luv My Box and see where it gets you. Once those toys show up on your doorstep, you pretty much have to use them if you don’t want to have burned $35. Luv My Box takes the decision-making out of the equation for you, and some people need that… or a good smack.

I have friends with more varied sexual tastes who are already connoisseurs of sex toys, and I fit into this category as well. While this type of consumer may appreciate the novelty of Luv My Box just as I can, chances are that they already have preferred products. That’s not to say that you, Veteran Fucktoy Consumer, can’t gain something from Luv My Box. I never tried any of the slew of combination lubricants that have come out in the last few years, and my box gave me a chance to experience that. If you’ve never experimented with a cock ring, the non-threatening ring included in November’s box might be a good way to ease yourself or your partner into it. But as for the rest of it? A consumer with my experience and sexual preferences may feel like there isn’t much use for sex dice or Good Head. I can appreciate the idea of surprise that sex dice promise, but I do all that anyway. I like everything about genitals, so I don’t need to mask the taste with Good Head (which, admittedly, doesn’t taste too bad).

Are you a gender/sexual minority couple? I can’t make any guarantees for how well Luv My Box will fit you. While two people with vaginas could successfully use the lubricant, mints, and maybe the Good Head from November’s box, the only thing the cock ring would be good for is flicking around the room (which is totally valid aftercare, in my opinion). Meanwhile, two people with penises could have enjoyed all of the offerings in this month’s box.

Are you looking to play alone? I don’t know if I can recommend Luv My Box for you. While all of the items in October’s bathtime box could be used alone, you would have a much more difficult time getting as much solo enjoyment from September’s bondage box. While you could use the lube (and the cock ring, depending on your genital configuration) included in November’s box on your own, you would be hard-pressed to come up with single-person games for the sex dice, Good Head, and Frisk mints.

I think Luv My Box is a gamble for certain demographics, particularly the one that I fit into. However, it’s not necessarily difficult to find reviews that tell you what’s in the box that month – if you want to spoil the surprise, you can try to find them before you spend your money. Would I buy more? If I had a decent amount of disposable income, sure, for funsies. I would buy a box or two so that I could try new products that I might never have considered buying. Ultimately, though, I’m not a consumer who really needs Luv My Box. I have a lot of sexual toys and aides, and very specific things on my wishlist. I know what I like and what I want, and my sex life is generally spicy enough for my taste… but that doesn’t mean that I don’t like surprises or trying new things. However, because I don’t have any disposable income, I can’t afford to bring the box into my life on a regular basis. I could save the money that I would spend on two months’ worth of boxes and spend it on a Hitachi instead, which is something that I know I will enjoy.

Buy it…

If you like surprises
If you like trying new things
If you don’t know where to start
If you can’t decide on a product
If you can’t imagine ever setting foot in a sex toy store
If you know that you’re part of a demographic that is equipped to use every part of a box – the safest bet being heterosexual couples.

A big thank you to the lovely folks at Luv My Box who sent me a box to review!

Toy With Me Tuesday – The Doctor Is In

Blog Round-Ups, Toy With Me Tuesday 7 Responses »

Jun 262012

Not one to flaunt my dildo collection</blatant lie>, I thought I’d flaunt the balls-out, awesome sex I had over the weekend instead. I snapped this quickie with Instagram

Medical toys? Outside of the hospital? Unheard of!

Every medical fetishist reading this just snorted. So did Count0,whom you might call my “medical fetish mentor,” given his tendency to encourage my deviancy.

Anywho, I had a deep desire to jump on the Toy With Me Tuesday bandwagon, started by Nymphomaniac Ness. I think it’s a pretty fabulous idea, and despite the fact that it’s only two weeks old, I totally adore the photos that have come out of it. Check it out – we’re having loads of fun with it.

Sometimes I Share Beds

Blurbs 2 Responses »

Mar 182012

I love sleeping between two people. Perhaps it has to do with fantasy.

“You two can talk until you fall asleep – I won’t mind. It won’t keep me awake.”

“What about moans of pleasure?”

His raised brow hints at mischief. We all chuckle, but as my friend continues speaking, my lover is teasing me by playing one of my favorite games: “Shut the Fuck Up, Sugarcunt.” It’s much like another one of my favorite games, called Concentration. He deftly squeezes my nipple between two fingers, rolling it back and forth. It’s not enough for him to win – my eyes meet his, and he interprets the challenge correctly. The squeezing intensifies, and the stinging fire begins building between his fingertips and shoots straight to my loins. My mouth opens wordlessly and he pinches harder -

- harder

until a trembling whimper escapes my throat as my nails climb his broad shoulders. His attention moves to the source of the sound, long fingers embracing my neck and cutting off my air. I squirm, and my lover’s nails tickle my groin through my panties; they travel north, and the aching disappointment is so strong that it nearly forms words of protest. He stifles them before they happen by moving the hand back down, turning the tickling into lazy, tingling-trail strokes. My hips quiver, lips hang open, eyes wide,

then I feel it.

My friend’s hands, slipping along my arms. She tugs them behind me and captures them at the wrists, pushing her body against my back and forcing me to open myself further.

“Don’t struggle, cunt.”

My lover’s lips hang over my ear while his fingers push harder, dragging my panties into the growing well of slickness between my legs. My friend’s other hand manipulates my other nipple while her tongue plays along the back of my neck. I’m going insane – two objects of fantasy meeting in an unlikely scenario. Teeth overtake my earlobe. The warm strokes have moved beneath my panties, combing through my hair, brushing my clit, and dancing over my opening so coyly that I want to scream.

I’m readjusted now – upright, into her lap, with her arms around me, bracing me, while she shoves my panties aside and pulls my outer lips apart to expose me entirely. Her teeth nip at the skin where my ear meets the neck, causing a violent tingling sensation at the base of my spine.

There is a warm, wet probing at my clit. Liberated, my hands are now free, and they clutch for anything – sheets, pillows, my friend’s thighs. I dig my nails into her flesh as I’m licked from the perineum up, his tongue fluttering double-time across the hood of my clit and then back down. Over and over, harder, circling, sucking my inner lips, tongue tracing naughty words and sweet nothings and fingers pumping now, thrusting up and forward, pushing deep, in and out hitting behind my clit and it feels sogood and sohardandsosweet and FUCK.

Sugarcunt’s Dorm Sex Flowchart

Blurbs, Sugarcunt Bitches 11 Responses »

Jan 222012

I don’t sleep. I also don’t get to jack it while I sit awake at 6 AM.

To explain this unfortunate phenomenon, and what college sex is like for me in general, allow me to present

Sugarcunt’s Dorm Sex Flowchart.

Go ahead and click that shit so you can actually read it. And read the line key!

International Fisting Day!

Blog 4 Responses »

Oct 212011

I straight-up love fisting, you guys.

If you just winced, give yourself a slap on the wrist. Two, maybe. And don’t you dare enjoy it. This isn’t sexytime-slapping. This is shame-on-you. No, this shame isn’t sexy either.

I know that there’s a pretty big stigma against fisting because people are sexually uninformed. (Do you like how I took the gentle route there and didn’t call them idiots? I’m trying not to alienate potential members of my audience by slinging around the I-word.) They’re convinced that a whole hand would never fit up there, and that they’d have to be super-loose to take it, and it would never fit because they prefer two fingers, and “couldn’t possibly” take more. Here’s a non-hostile article about why talking about being “loose” because of the frequency and size of an insertion is stupid. (Seriously. The vagina is a muscle. Try kegels if you think you’re lacking.)

People also seem to imagine that fisting is forced, violent, and is meant to be painful. It’s kind of like applying the original connotation of “fuck” to fisting. I’m not sure where it got this reputation, since it’s hardly mentioned in popular culture, but it’s a completely unwarranted reputation.

Fisting isn’t necessarily cramming your entire hand into someone’s cunt. Technically, it’s just four fingers and a thumb inside. The slutling’s entire hand doesn’t fit inside me in the duck bill position; I’m not even sure he can get past his knuckles.

I suppose I should make myself look human for a moment by admitting that when I was in high school, I too winced at the idea of being fisted. In fact, I didn’t think my ex would ever be able to put more than two fingers in me. His fingers were enormous, I never got very aroused, and I was never very well-lubricated with him. I couldn’t even fathom the idea. Even after we broke up, I didn’t say, “Let’s see if I can find someone to wear me like Lambchop!”

In fact, I was fisted for the first time on a whim. The slutling was fingering me (wearing gloves, of course), and it felt fantastic, so I asked him to insert another finger… and then I asked him to make the “duck bill” shape (shown here at the right, from Beyond Xs and Ys) and use his thumb. Oh my god. It all happened very naturally, and I was absolutely shocked that there was no pain. There was some gentle movement, but none of that hardcore thrusting that people assume fisting involves. (Hint: it often doesn’t.)

Fisting is now a semi-regular part of my sex life. The only time I enjoy having my cervix touched is when I’m being fisted, and I absolutely love the sensation of fullness that fisting provides. Being my boyfriend’s hand puppet is an incredibly unique experience for me, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Basic fisting guidelines:

Make sure your nails are trimmed!
Use gloves! (This will prevent concern about your nails – gloves are great for hot, safe hand sex.)
Use lubricant! There’s no such thing as too much lube, but there is such a thing as too little.
Communication is absolutely necessary. Go slowly and listen to your partner.
Be ready to have your mind blown.

In this interview (which features one of best fisting pictures in the world), Courtney Trouble describes fisting thusly:

Fisting is simply four fingers and a thumb sliding into a vagina (or ass, for those inclined and well-lubed). The hand then slips delicately inside the hole, past the knuckles and anywhere along the palm of the hand, even up to the wrist. It’s basically allowing the vaginal muscles to decide how little, or how much, the body wants to take in. The fistee is left feeling full, and often times the fister can feel the beating of the heart, muscle swelling, and the walls of the vagina moving up and down the hand. There’s a misconception that’s it’s forced in, when most fisting is initiated entirely by the person getting fisted. In fact, it’s usually the vagina itself that will decide to just swallow a hand entirely.

Once the hand is fully inside, it generally stays still, allowing both parties to experience that connection. Some movement is natural, and after a while, light thrusting may or may not happen. Every once in a while it might be faster or harder, but in general, fisting is all about a hand and a hole listening to each other very closely. It’s one of the most beautiful, intimate sex acts I’ve ever experienced. It’s sex positive and builds a deeper connection between sex partners. It’s encourages deeper communication. And most people who have been fisted will probably tell you, it’s one of the best ways to orgasm in the whole wide world.

Word, Courtney. Word.

Educate Yourself

Fisting Day Tumblr

Babeland’s Fisting Instructions