goodvibes Archives - Sugarcunt Writes

The bNaughty Unleashed

Mar 112013

The bNaughty Unleashed Premium Wireless Bullet Vibrator is a remote-controlled vibrating ~~bullet~~ egg. An egg. The thing is enormous. It’s longer than most eggs, but not quite as rounded.

To be honest with you, I’m not quite sure what they’re unleashing. I have an original bNaughty (we’re talking about the corded classic before they did the redesign), and I don’t think the Unleashed offers much more power than the original.

Wait. “Unleashed” as in untethered. Got it. Suddenly I realize why my expectations weren’t quite met.

But aside from being literally unleashed, the bNaughty Unleashed still isn’t especially powerful. It comes with 7 settings: 1 – 3 are constant vibrations at different speeds. 4 begins by ramping up, vibrates constantly for a few seconds, then ramps back up from the beginning again. 5 is constant pulsing. 6 is the same constant pulsing, except faster. 7 is a constant vibration that begins by pulsing three times. The vibrations are buzzy, and while they’re capable of getting me off when I use the vibrator clitorally, I wouldn’t call the ensuing orgasm “spectacular” by any means.

If you’re more into buzzy vibrations than I am, you might find that you have more fun with this toy. The vibrations are also loud. They aren’t Hitachi-loud, but they definitely aren’t whisper-quiet. A lot of people imagine going out in public with a wireless bullet in their panties and the remote in their partner’s hand. You won’t be doing that with this vibe. For starters, the massive egg and its little tail would be inconvenient to shove in your underwear and keep in place. But really, the biggest problem is the noise. You’d have to go to a rave for the noise this thing makes to go unnoticed.

The vibrator is controlled by the little black remote. The bottom button powers the vibe on and off, and the top button changes the vibration settings. The little display is actually kind of neat – it tells you what setting you’re on by displaying a number in the upper-right-hand corner, and the little flower in the center of the display has different segments that light up in time with the vibration you’re on.

This vibrator just didn’t work very well for me. Sure, I got off, but I didn’t enjoy it too much. For starters, I have my clitoral hood pierced and had to keep repositioning the bullet so it didn’t rattle against my jewelry. The egg’s tip is slightly pointed, which is definitely better than what you find on most vibrating bullets, but the tip still isn’t defined enough for me to really get the kind of pinpoint stimulation that I enjoy the most.

The vibrating egg also has a seam. Two seams – one where the egg opens up to reveal the battery compartment, and one on the backside of the plastic strip that holds the batteries in. You’ll need something very thin (a needle, maybe – a fingernail doesn’t get it all out) to clean the seam. I don’t like the seam. It would be one thing if the bNaughty Unleashed brought me to a roaring orgasm – that seems like a fair trade for the cleaning time.

I have another gripe, too. It DIED ON ME.

I used the bNaughty Unleashed roughly three times, and not for very long masturbation sessions. When I went to write this review, I fished it out of its bag (did I mention it comes with a little black pouch? It comes with a little black pouch), went to turn it on, and nothing happened. I tried replacing the batteries in the bullet and it still didn’t work. I had to change the remote battery as well. The device takes three batteries – the remote takes one A23 battery, and the bullet takes two N batteries. Kudos on finding the most obscure batteries you can think of, bSwish.

Also, if you don’t have nails long enough to get under the remote battery, good luck fishing it out. I had to wait until I had long nails again before I could swap out the remote battery… absolutely ridiculous. Every inanimate object that I used in an attempt to pop the battery out was useless to me, yet the battery came out easily when I slid my nail under it.

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m a little bit resentful about the battery hubbub. I can usually get at least 5 uses out of a vibrator before it starts to go south… usually many more than that, to be honest. But this thing threw in the towel after three short rounds. Does it just eat batteries? Were the batteries that came with it just bad? Who can say?

My ultimate verdict is that the bNaughty Unleashed isn’t for me. It doesn’t blow my mind. It’s just kind of “meh.” If I want to use a battery-operated vibrator, I have a different go-to vibe that is buzzy, but actually feels really good. My go-to vibe is also more quiet than the bNaughty Unleashed. I’m not going to lie: it’s nice to have a wireless remote in your hand or beside you on the bed so that you aren’t constantly tethered to your groin, but most bullets that I have used have cords that are long enough for me to not feel too inconvenienced. The remote doesn’t make this vibe worth it for me. If you don’t mind the noise, the buzziness, and don’t require a TON of pinpoint stimulation, this will probably give you an orgasm if you’re in the market for a wireless vibrator… but probably not the best orgasm of your life. I can think of some better uses for this vibe:

Play a game of hide-the-vibe where your partner has to find it.
Scare your partner by hiding it under their pillow and switching it on at bedtime.
Scare guests by sewing a little mouse or snake costume on it and randomly switching it on to let it rattle across the floor.
Baffle your housemates by leaving it on and hiding it somewhere so that they will periodically ask, “Do you hear vibrating?” and you can say, “No, why?”

Maybe I’m just an asshole.

A big thank you goes out to Good Vibrations for providing me with the bNaughty Unleashed Premium Wireless Bullet Vibrator to review!

Synergy: Annoying Buzzword, Decent Lubricant

Reviews 1 Response »

Oct 222011

I’ve been browsing around for new lube, since I’ve chewed through a bottle of Astroglide in a ridiculous amount of time. I also never intend to use Astroglide again, because my bottle of Astroglide smells like bubble formula. Things that smell like bubble formula do not belong in my vagina.

Wet Synergy Lubricant is a hybrid of silicone and water that does not smell like a children’s playground. Something like that shouldn’t earn it points in my book, but it does.

Synergy is thicker than any other lubricant that I’ve tried (Astroglide, Wet Platinum, and some lube from Tantus), and even though it’s a hybrid of water and silicone, it doesn’t start to feel tacky like water-based lubricant does. It maintains the satin-like texture that I associate with silicone lubricant, and has a relatively comparable staying power to silicone lube.

The thickness of Synergy has made it very useful for anal play, and has been an absolute blessing when it comes to lubing up toys. Silicone lubricant tends to piss me off because it drips off my toys instantly, making an unholy mess. No more, I say!

However, this isn’t the perfect lube. It’s good, but not perfect. It’s supposed to be hypoallergenic. I can verify that it certainly hasn’t irritated my skin, but I’m not particularly sensitive. However, it does contain glycerin, which is a nightmare for people that are prone to yeast infections. It also made my partner’s urethra burn when I slathered it on him to use for a handjob. Does that have to do with the glycerin? I don’t know… but I made sure never to put it on his cock again. His ass has no problem with it, though, and lube is far more essential to a proper anal experience for him than it is to an enjoyable handjob experience.

It isn’t especially pleasant-tasting, either… it has that artificial-tasting sweetness that is common among most lubricants. I mean, it isn’t bad. It’s not like licking rancid ass. But I don’t particularly like it. That suits me just fine, since I won’t be using this on the slutling’s penis.

Can you use it with silicone toys?

Good question. Because this lube contains silicone, I generally don’t, unless I have the toy secured by a condom. As with any silicone lube, you would have to ask the toy manufacturer about the toy’s compatibility with the lubricant.

Ultimately, I’ve enjoyed the addition of Wet Synergy to my toy bag. In my bedroom, its benefits have far outweighed its few downfalls. I wouldn’t recommend it to people who are irritated by glycerin, and I wouldn’t use it in acts such as sounding, or handjobs. However, it has been an excellent lubricant for use with my toys, and in anal play.

Thank you, Goodvibes, for providing me with the Wet Synergy Lubricant! Without it, I would definitely be fucking myself a lot less… and let’s be honest, no one wants that.

The Rippler

Reviews 25 Responses »

Sep 192011

This hulking beast is the Rippler Silicone Dildo from Goodvibes, and if you’re anything like me, the first thing you did when you saw it was gird your loins. I’ve testified about my love of texture in the past, so it was sort of a given that when Goodvibes offered it up for review, I was all over this thing. Look at it! That majestic curve! Those pronounced ridges! That attractive berry hue that satisfies my cravings for stuffing a wine-covered cock inside me!

Okay, on a serious note, here is the beast itself, featured in the now-obligatory DroidX size comparison photo. It’s massive, isn’t it? Longer than the Jollie, though not as girthy as its widest point. However, don’t let this comparison fool you. This dildo is by no means inferior to the Jollie; just different. Those ridges are a thing of beauty, and they’re not to be taken lightly. Really: this is not a warm-up dildo. In fact, if you’re not hot and ready, it might be a mite bit uncomfortable, even if you’ve liberally applied the lube. If you haven’t “pregamed” and you opt to slather the Rippler down with lube, you’re in for a couple minutes of something conflicting. I mean, it’s not that it doesn’t feel good – it does! But in those first minutes, it also feels a bit uncomfortable. You know those curling irons that your tween sister has, with the spiral around the rod?

It feels like that, without the moral dilemma of shoving something that doesn’t belong to you in your vag.

No, the Rippler is not your mother’s warm-up toy… instead, it is what you pull out when you’re craving the big guns. You’ve been wet and warm for hours? Back away from the foot massager and dig this out of your toybox instead. After those first few minutes of use, the magic starts. You can feel those ridges, and soon, they worm their way into your heart. I may or may not have given each individual ridge a name, although I tend to forget them when the sensation blends into one massive, fast-thrusting, ripple-y hurricane. There’s probably some G-spot stimulation at the eye of the hurricane, but I don’t tend to concentrate on that specifically, because I have a tendency to get swept away. [Cue the appropriate music.]

Most people probably can’t shove the entirety of the Rippler’s length into their vaginas, but that’s okay – the extra length can be very handy for thrusting, and on the off chance that you DO happen to like having your cervix knocked around by a battering ram, then cramming the whole thing in is perfect for you! The Rippler is safe for anal use, but I can’t tell you how far in it will go, because my asshole tightens up like a nun’s whenever I consider putting this thing near it.

If you don’t like texture, this isn’t for you. If you like texture but cannot under any circumstance handle girth, then this isn’t for you – the thing has a diameter between 1 5/8 and 1 7/8 inches. If neither of these caveats apply to you because you love texture and girth, and you can shell out the $60 necessary for it, then you don’t have an excuse not to own this dildo.

This baby is harness-compatible, although you may need a larger O-ring, due to its girth. My harness, the Spareparts Joque, doesn’t have an exchangeable O-ring, but with a bit of patience and steady shoving, it fits!

The Rippler comes in three different colors – an attractive emerald green, a chic black, and the metallic purple, which is the color that I have. (As a note, this harness photo is probably the truest to life, in terms of color.) The purple is a very attractive wine color, so I have a tendency to leave it sitting out on my desk. This isn’t solely because I’ve been formulating this review for weeks, nor just because I like making my guests uncomfortable… no, I like to keep the Rippler within reach for when one of my moods strikes me. In addition to being fabulous to stick in my cunt, it’s an excellent bludgeoning tool. I confess: I probably beat it on my desk more often than I masturbate with it. It’s not that I don’t like it… it’s that the thing is so goddamn sturdy that when some act of blatant stupidity has thrown me into a mini-rage, the safest thing for me to smash is this dildo. You cannot break it. It is the firmest silicone toy I own, and manages to maintain that without sacrificing flexibility.

The Rippler has Goodvibes’ Ecorotic seal, because it is phthalate-free (and body-safe in general) and made in the U.S., ensuring a lower carbon footprint. So go buy one and feel good about doing some tree-hugging with your self-loving.

Thank you, Goodvibes, for providing me with the Rippler to use as an eco-friendly gavel! (And occasionally, to use for fucking myself into Oz.)

I’ve Got A Secret…

Reviews No Responses »

Sep 112011

Tantus fangirl #14,948 reporting for duty.

Why do I like Tantus?

Because their silicone is awesome. I consider many of their products to be inventive. I like their packaging. In my limited experience, they’ve shipped promptly and their customer service is pleasant. So naturally, when Goodvibes was offering the Orange Dream, also known as Tantus’ “Little Secret” Spoon, I was all over that.

I mean, come on. Look how adorable that is. It’s orange! It’s small! It’s twee! “Cute” isn’t something I tend to look for in a vibrator, because I generally search for something under the “induces flash floods” category. However, cute definitely doesn’t hurt, and this vibrator manages to be cute without invoking imagery of some fuzzy animal that does NOT belong in the same sentence as “cunt.”

Did I mention it was orange?

IT’S ORANGE.

Sorry about that. Sometimes my overwhelming desire to have a rainbow toybox completely overrides the portion of my brain that types my reviews.

Moving on, this vibrator is of an incredibly unobtrusive size, and could, theoretically, be stuffed in even the smallest purse… if you ignore the fact that silicone desperately wishes that lint, dust, and hair could become part of its chemical composition. (However, this is totally irrelevant if you’ll have access to a place to wash your vibe before you play with it.) I took a photo of it next to my Droid X, which isn’t known for being the smallest phone, but fits in all of my pockets. If the Orange Dream had calling capabilities, it would be a hell of a lot less of a pain to tote around than my phone.

Tantus’ description of the Orange Dream says that it is “the perfect little G-spotter.” I don’t know who wrote that, but I want to pee on them. If this vibrator hits your G-spot, you let me know. I stuck it in me and was summarily… unimpressed. This wasn’t made to go inside those of us who tackle things like the Jollie on a regular basis. If it was knocking on my G-spot’s door, then my G-spot was in the shower, blasting music at several hundred decibels, while construction raged on outside.

The Orange Dream is really just a silicone sleeve over one of Tantus’ 80mm bullet vibrators, which runs on N-type batteries. The 80mm is actually reasonably powerful, for a bullet… it’s the sleeve that’s the problem.

I know Tantus does silicone. I know that some women prefer to place a towel between themselves and their vibrator… but usually, those women are using a Hitachi.

I want to like this vibrator. I do! It’s precious! All of them are! (Yes, I –did- just make each word into a separate link.) But the Orange Dream just isn’t doing it for me. I used it so many times and was disappointed each time… I mean, even the least demanding vibrator can make me come eventually, if paired with some other kind of stimulation. This wasn’t even doing that for me. The sleeve diffuses the vibrations so much that it’s… kind of appalling, to be honest. You wouldn’t think the bullet was very powerful, if you didn’t know that you could take it out. The thing is, I think the stimulation is supposed to be diffused, since the head is rounded and angled. That’s cute on my nipples or whatever, but my clit doesn’t want diffusion! MY CLIT WANTS TO BE JACKHAMMERED.

The sleeve also doesn’t diffuse the volume of the bullet very much. This isn’t entirely necessary, because it isn’t incredibly loud, but it’s like… if all the sleeve does is diffuse the vibrations and not the noise, why am I using it? Keep in mind that this is simply the Orange Dream model – the others all have different shapes, and Bedroom Blogger loved the Touch.

However, I just didn’t love this. It’s amazing Tantus silicone. It’s orange! It’s small. It’s waterproof. It’s cute. But it isn’t for me. It’ll get someone off… if they orgasm at the touch of a butterfly’s wing. But as far as I’m concerned, the only thing it can do for me is this:

Yes. It rolls. Yes, there were three people gathered around to watch this.

Many thanks to Goodvibes for providing me the Orange Dream for review and use as party entertainment!

Discreet Billing

Strictly Informational 2 Responses »

Jul 262011

I spent the better part of the night revamping the site rather than authoring a post, but I do have a little bit of chum to toss to the sharks before I begin packing my bags to prepare for my weekend away.

My slutling and I have been in the market for a plug for him to wear out and about, and one of the concerns he voiced last night was how his purchase would appear on his billing statement.

It occurs to me that while it’s pretty easy to find information about discreet packaging all over some sites, it’s considerably less easy to find out what your purchase will be billed under. So I figured that I’d make a table of all the online shops I’ve purchased toys from and how they appeared on my bank statement. Some of them are more discreet than others, and some are just plain confusing. (Come on, Funwares… Blaze Network? I had NO IDEA what that purchase was when I checked my transaction list.)

I’ll continue updating this post as I visit more stores.

Babeland: TIB
Funwares: Blaze Network
Goodvibes: Barnaby LTD
JT’s Stockroom: JT’s Stockroom
Liberator: Oneup Innovations Inc.
Tantus: Tantus Inc. or Smithblack Sparks
Tickle: TKL