Divine Interventions. If you’re a sex blogger, you’ve probably heard of them. Maybe you visited their site to see if they really had a Baby Jesus Butt Plug. Maybe you wanted to write them an angry letter (or a love letter) after you saw my picture of their Holy Water Lube (“So blessedly good even God uses it!”) Maybe you’ve never heard of them. Get in the car and buckle your sweet ass in, because we are going to take a ride together.
This is the Diving Nun.
Your first impression is probably, “That can’t be a dildo.”
Your first impression is right. It isn’t “a dildo.”
It’s an AMAZING dildo. The distinction is important.
The Diving Nun is made from a supple, flexible silicone and features a nice, wide base that suctions to a surface when you slam it down. If you’re anything like me, this means that it will find a home on your coffee table and in your heart.
As you can see, the Nun has a beastly curve and some wicked wrinkles in her wimple. Do not let these ridges intimidate you. If you warm up, lube up, and start slowly, you’ll have no problem with the Diving Nun at all. Do not do what I did. When this dildo arrived at my home, my Nun timeline looked something like this:
- The honeymoon phase. The Nun arrived and I waved it around, stuck it to things, photographed it, admired it, and spent a great deal of time being deeply in dildo-love with it. I took it to the bedroom.
- Our first fight. I spent a few seconds lubing the Nun up, then I unceremoniously jammed it in the general direction of my vagina. That sucker wasn’t going in. It’s an enormous dildo. I have plenty of experience with enormous dildos, but I had to try it without warming up FOR SCIENCE. At least I tell myself it was for science… but it’s more like I couldn’t think in the haze of my dildo lust. It was quite a scene. I spent a great deal of time painstakingly jamming it, inch by inch, into myself. Like the first time I used the Rippler without warming up first, it was not pleasant. Not pleasant at all.
- Make-up sex. Once things got going and the juices got flowing, fucking the Diving Nun gradually became more pleasurable. In fact, after a certain point, it stopped riding the line between pleasure and pain and it just felt good. We made up – I forgave it for hurting my vagina and it forgave me for my inability to think critically about the best time to use certain dildos.
You can definitely feel the Nun’s ridges when you use it. In subsequent uses of the Nun, I warmed up with another dildo beforehand. After that warm-up, inserting the Diving Nun was easy, and I had an incredibly enjoyable experience. Don’t think that I love the Nun unconditionally, though. I have a couple minor complaints. The base is huge, which is great for suctioning the dildo, but not so great for holding. Because it’s flexible, I -can- hold it, but I either have to spread my hand out across the base to do that, or have to get a flimsy grip on part of the base and use that to move it in and out. The first time I used the Nun, my wrist got really sore. Really sore. While that could very easily have been a carpal tunnel flare-up, I think it probably has more to do with the amount of time I spent with my hand spread in an awkward position.
Due to my wrist pain, and in an attempt to work smarter rather than harder, I opted to ride the Diving Nun instead of using my hands. It wasn’t easy. I don’t have a very good surface to stick the Nun on, so the suction cup – which works well – didn’t really benefit me at all. Because of how steep the curve of the dildo is, the only method I could contrive was standing at the edge of my bed and backing up and down on it. And sure, it felt good, but that also took more work. I was hoping to be able to hump it, not do squats. (As someone who has never done a squat in her life I should add that I’m not entirely sure how a squat works, but I imagine that it works like what I did.)
I can overlook the wrist pain and the challenge of standing use because of what it’s like to clench your muscles around the Diving Nun. Simply put, it’s delicious. The Nun is filling and textured. The first time I used the Nun, I combined it with my Hitachi and had an orgasm that was so good that it was nearly painful. You read that right: so good that it almost hurt. While the other orgasms I’ve had with the nun haven’t been quite as exquisite as the first, they’re still pretty damn good.
The nun also hits my G-spot in a pleasant manner. I find it difficult to ejaculate when I’m only enjoying G-spot stimulation, but I felt very close to squirting a number of times while I was using the Nun. My G-spot, though, is very fickle, so I have a difficult time figuring out how to prolong or recreate certain types of G-spot stimulation that are very enjoyable.
Ultimately, the cons of the Diving Nun (the steep curve making it a bit difficult to ride, the base being slightly challenging to hold) are outweighed by the fact that the Nun just feels amazing. It’s fantastic for thrusting at any speed! It hits my G-spot! It’s shaped like a nun! It’s 1 3/4 inches in diameter, 7 3/4 inches long, and 100% glorious.
If you’ve got a sense of humor regarding sex toys and matters of sacrilege, I encourage you to check out Divine Interventions. Their descriptions are clever and their products are 100% unique. There are also some pretty cool non-denominational dildos for those of you who are more… respectful. (I can think of a few people I know that would, for example, dig the Celtic… you know who you are.) And, of course, there’s always the Holy Water Lube… no glycerin, no parabens, DEA free and 100% vegan. I hear that there are even safer lubricants that exist, but the Holy Water Lube is unquestionably the most body-friendly lubricant in my drawer.
Thank you so much, Divine Interventions, for providing me with a Diving Nun in exchange for an honest review!