Apr 172015

Since I’ve re-entered the dating world I’ve heard things like “you’re beautiful despite your size,” and “you’re beautiful because of your size.” Neither of these is what I want to hear. Am I being too picky? I don’t think I am.

They say, “You’re beautiful despite your size.” As if no one could be beautiful at my size, and as if my size cannot be a part of what makes me beautiful. “Your fat is an obstacle that you have overcome by virtue of having a cute face! Good for you! Part of you is pretty enough to make up for the fact that I consider you deathfat!”

The other ones, the fat fetishists, say, “You’re beautiful because of your size.” That’s a little closer to what I would like to hear because it’s always nice to know that there are people out there who do not consider obesity to be the most disgusting thing in the world, but it’s still not perfect. I don’t want to be admired solely because I am a person of size. I am sexy, but I am not a sex object and my body is not something to be fetishized. I don’t want to be distilled down to a body that I’ve spent years wrestling with and that I fight every day to accept. I’m not a walking, talking Rubens painting that fucks for your enjoyment.

A full body photo from 2012

Sugarcunt circa 2012, repping the Obesity Cabal.

Don’t make this mistake with other fat people, admirers. I know I can’t speak for all of us (you know, the OBESITY CABAL), but I have heard this sentiment voiced by a few people of a similar size. I’m sure your intentions are good. You want to say, “Your size doesn’t make you less desirable to me.” That’s not a bad thing! But unless I’m in some kind of self-hate spiral about being fat I don’t need you to say something to assure me that my fat is not a dealbreaker.

I know some people are like, “Well what does she want? We can’t like her fat, we can’t hate her fat, and now we can’t mention it in passing either?” Honestly… yes. Pretty much that. Another person’s body is not yours to comment on, no matter what the size. If you want to have a conversation about my fat and our relationship supports that sort of topic, let’s talk about it plainly, but with tact. Trying to slip it into a compliment is not tactful. I don’t need you to compliment me in some kind of code that tries to discreetly address my fat. You don’t have to acknowledge my fat like it’s another person in the room that you don’t want to ignore for fear of seeming rude, so you don’t have to add further qualifiers onto “you’re pretty.” Just say I’m pretty. Don’t tell me I’m pretty… for a fatty.  I don’t need you to other me by using my body to set me apart from the “normies.”

All I ask for is someone who appreciates me as a whole package. I don’t want a partner that tolerates or ignores my fat because they like everything else, and I don’t want a partner that focuses on my fat before everything else.  My husband is one person who handles this with grace. He isn’t a “chubby chaser,” and he doesn’t cringe every time he sees me naked. He likes to see me naked, in fact! He would never make the stupid mistake of tacking something about my body onto the end of, “You’re beautiful.” Why is just plain, “You’re beautiful,” so hard for some people to say? Just stop talking after the second word. Why does my size have to come into it at all? Why can’t I be beautiful AND fat? Why is there automatically an assumption that my fat must impact my view of my beauty and self-worth? How about you just worry about loving me, and let me worry about being fat.

Apr 092015

I was privileged to obtain a copy of Courtney Trouble’s Live Sex Show, and I’ve had it for quite a while.  With all of the mental health hoo-ha that came up last few years, it’s no wonder that I never got around to reviewing it in a timely manner, and so when I glimpsed the DVD in one of my bins of sex stuff, I was like, “Oh shit!” So here we are in 2015, with me finally reviewing this film.  I apologize from the bottom of my heart for its lateness.

On the whole, I really like Live Sex Show. It’s sexy, the performers are clearly into it, and it covers a range of sexuality. Would I recommend it? Absolutely.  What follows is a description of the scenes, but my descriptions can’t come close to capturing the awesomeness that you experience when you watch it.

Kimberlee Cline starts off the film by performing a strip tease and solo scene. She wears a crotchless fishnet bodysuit, and goes from 0 to 60 in a very small amount of time. It’s a short, sweet, and sexy.

Peter Devries and Jolene Parton have very organic sex. It’s flowing, and doesn’t have a lot of noise other than moaning. The scene progresses naturally, and it’s filled with kissing and cuddling. I don’t have a lot of commentary about it – it’s not particularly hardcore because they don’t open up for the camera. It just looks like comfortable, intimate sex, which is something I can really appreciate since you don’t see that much compared to mainstream pornography.

April Flores begins her scene by masturbating on the floor. The Matador joins her and they have absolutely gorgeous sex. One of my favorite parts of the scene is when The Matador reaches around April and rips her fishnet tights. The oral sex during this scene is totally awesome. The Matador looks like he eats pussy like a god.

Tina Horn and Roger Wood are next up. Their scene begins with some impact play – a nice hard spanking and some flogging with what appears to be a leather flogger. Roger wields the flogger expertly, and I was really impressed with how he handled it once he got warmed up. The two use a strap on for some rough sex, and watching them fuck is glorious. Her ass ends up bright red, and Tina’s expressions really capture how she’s riding the line between pleasure and pain. One reason I love this scene is because there’s a lot of smiling and laughing. When they stop because they think they’re out of time, they’re told they can go on and so they get back to it and have more sex. Their enthusiasm is fantastic!

Nina and Jiz Lee have a brief negotiation where Nina goes over what’s good for her. Jiz announces that they shaved their legs, “which felt really kinky.” I can relate to that. Nina and Jiz get down to business, and things quickly escalate to fisting. Not a bad way to get things rolling, if you ask me. After several orgasms, Jiz fucks Nina very slowly and slaps her cunt a little bit before Nina whips out the Magic Wand.

There is a steady stream of back and forth that goes on during the Nina/Jiz scene. My favorite exchange is when Nina gives Jiz a Magic Wand. Jiz asks Nina to tease them at least once before allowing them to orgasm, and Nina says, “Oh, if you wanna do that then, no, fuck you!” as she yanks the Magic Wand away.

The scene between Jiz and Nina is probably one of my favorite scenes on the DVD. Not only does it star not one but TWO of my favorite porn stars, it’s filled with choking, fisting, slapping, dirty talk and laughter. I did notice that Nina uses the wrong pronouns for Jiz, which was a little disconcerting. There may have been any number of reasons for this, and I’m sure none of them are malicious. Maybe they didn’t talk about pronouns and so Nina didn’t know. I have no idea. It just stood out to me every time Nina used female pronouns to refer to them.

Then the Courtney Trouble gangbang starts. Jiz, Nina, April, Tina, and Roger all fuck Courtney, blindfolding them and piling on top with strap-ons, gloves, and the Magic Wand. Nina comments on how strong Courtney’s muscles are. Someone plays off that comment and makes a joke about it being horrible for anyone that tries to rape Courtney. That killed my boner a little bit. Nina says, “Consensual rape,” possibly trying to tone down the joke, but that didn’t help me get it back up. I’m sure some people probably wouldn’t even have noticed, but it stood out to me because I don’t think comments like that are funny, even when they aren’t threatening in any way. I imagine that some people who hate rape jokes wouldn’t care because it wasn’t a joke that framed rape in a positive light. I cared.

Aside from that comment making me cringe, the scene is a highly respectable gangbang, and Courtney has what sounds like a great orgasm. They even ejaculate, and I think they’re the only performer in this film who does so. 

Courtney Trouble and Carol Queen did a great job putting this together. The performers have great chemistry, everyone looks happy, and it’s hot as hell. All around I’d say it’s a win involved for everyone: the organizers, the performers, and viewers like you. If you haven’t seen it and you like the other work of any of the stars involved, I give it a 9 out of 10 and think you should buy it right now.  It’s $15 on Courtney Trouble’s web store!

As a note, if I have misgendered any of the stars of this film, please let me know in the comments so I can revise my writing.  Some of the participants don’t have much information about them on Courtney Trouble’s site or IAFD.

Apr 022015

I have plenty of excuses for why I didn’t write for a year.  I’m not sure whether I owe them to my readers or not, but I do owe apologies all around, particularly to the companies I’ve been affiliated with whom I owe reviews to.  It’s not professional, but my blog has always been secondary to real life, and real life has been hard.

Mental health is a tricky thing.  My combined mental disorders keep me from leaving the house.  They keep me from wanting to have sex and wanting to write.  When I finally did want to write I couldn’t focus long enough to do it.  I still have that last problem, actually.  I’m motivated as hell to get back to blogging but it takes me days to write anything.  I’m on day four of authoring this blog post.  It’s not even particularly in-depth!

Starting a business is a time-consuming thing (when you actually have clients).  And when you don’t have clients you don’t have money.  And when you don’t have money you spend a great deal of time trying to find new ways to make money, and when you don’t find those ways you fret about how you don’t have money.  My husband and I have a web design business, but when you’re new it can be difficult to grow your client base and get regular clients.  I’ve applied for other jobs and spent hours crying because I can’t find one.  I need something I can do from home right now, and telecommuter positions are hard to find.

Body and gender dysphoria are disheartening things that can put you off sex and masturbation, even sex with a partner you love more than anything.  There was a period that lasted at least 6 months where we couldn’t even initiate sex without me bawling like a baby.  Masturbating left me cold and empty.  It’s hard to say how much of my recent sexual dysfunction was caused by my mental health and medications, and how much of it was caused by my dysphoria.  Rest assured that neither thing is particularly easy to deal with.

There’s also this “reviewer guilt” thing, which I’m sure those of you who do review blogs are familiar with.  You fall behind, you get overwhelmed, you’re not sure how to start tackling the piles of reviews on your shoulders, and then you feel sheepish when you do finally get something posted because you imagine the companies that you’ve been reviewing for seeing it and going, “Okay, but where is the review for my product?” Most companies don’t usually pester you about that sort of thing, but let me tell you, it sure does make me feel like an ass.  I imagine that many companies do not appreciate a lengthy turnaround (of a month or more, I’m not even talking about the year I’ve taken off) between sending a product out and the review being posted.

The hiatus is over and I’m hoping I can get back into the swing of things.  I’m masturbating with slightly more joy.  My mood is greatly improved.  I’m toying with a site redesign and I have a lot to write!  Dave and I have eased into polyamory, so that’s probably what my next post will be about.  The goal is to start out with one post a week, so keep an eye out!

Jan 312014

Sorry folks, I know I haven’t posted since October.

The long and short of it is that I’m on a TON of medications, and like so many psychiatric meds do, they kill my libido.  Really, my interest in sex is still here, and I still want to be having it with my partner and myself, but it’s like my body has other things to do.  I would be lying if I said it wasn’t frustrating.  It’s hard to sit down with the toys you need to review, then find yourself struggling to even use one.  My orgasms aren’t impeded, but my mindset is.  After one orgasm I’m usually ready to throw in the towel.

I’ve got a lot of emotional baggage surrounding sexuality, too – some gender and body dysphoria that lately, it’s been hard to look past when watching pornography.  I know there are ways to masturbate without porn, but I like porn, and feeling like this, I’m sure as hell not going to fantasize about myself.  Generally I’ll get pretty into the porn, then once I’m done I’m like, “I could go for round 2 but I suddenly hate this.”  If I’m not watching porn it’s more like, “I could go for round 2 but suddenly I hate myself.”

It’s a challenge, to say the least.

I’m also in my final semester of college, so that’s a huge step for me, but it’s also a busy time.  I have a work co-op (working on a cat shelter website OMG IT’S LIKE A DREAM!) and I’ve got to spend 160 hours on it in addition to my 5 other classes.

So more reviews are coming, slowly but surely.  Off the top of my head, I’ve got Uberlube and the Je Jou Ami in the works, plus some LoveLife toys and awesome Tantus paddles sitting around my house.  The LoveLife products are getting the most mileage right now, so those reviews might come out faster than the others.  I’ve also had the Live Sex Show review ALMOST ready to publish for months now, and probably should get a slap on the wrist for withholding it.

So my New Years Resolution for 2014 is to be more active.  My blog is an important outlet for me and the community is great… when you’re actually included in it.  And you have to be around to be included.  I’m trying to make myself more available on Twitter, so if you need me, I’m just an @Sugarcunt away.

Oct 242013

As you well know, sometimes my blog has dormant periods.  That’s not really the way I want it to be all the time, but we all have lives outside of blogging, even if we don’t want to.  I was dusting off after one of these dormant periods and checking the adult news networks and I saw an article saying that Tenga’s Iroha line that was going to be released.  I was so excited I nearly wet myself.  They looked SO GOOD.  At the time the article was released it stated that Liberator was going to exclusively carry Iroha.  So I e-mailed Liberator.

Me: [eloquently] “Would you help me tickle my clitoris?”

Liberator: [silence].

I didn’t actually say it that way.  I WAS eloquent, but nowhere in my e-mail inquiry did I use the phrase “tickle my clitoris.”  And nowhere in any of yours should you include that phrase, either.  #reviewer101

But yeah, no response.  I was a little down and so I let it go for a while… then I read another article about the line and decided to go to Tenga’s website and e-mail them.  And if you ask for what you want, sometimes you might get it!


Tenga was generous enough to send me not one, not two, but all three of the Iroha vibes to review.  I was so excited that I made Vines of myself unboxing them.  They are so beautiful.  They look like mochi, a delicious glutinous rice cake that you probably don’t want to rub all over your genitals (but if you do then more power to you, I guess).  I’m led to believe that the similarity in appearance was planned, since Tenga’s goal was to mirror their culture in the toys.  And in addition to the aesthetics of Iroha, I also appreciate the mission behind the line.  The vibes were created with the belief that masturbation should be appreciated the same way that we appreciate self care.  I support that belief 100%.  Sexual desire is a natural need and should be nurtured!

My first impressions were good all around.  They’re beautiful toys, and the packaging is attractive.  The storage for an Iroha vibrator is a case that is also a charging station.  The bases are magnetic and have little indentations for the buttons on the back of the vibrators to rest in.  I feel like this is not only much more attractive than a flimsy bag, but also promotes a sense of pride in these works of art by giving me a way to show them off.  I know that plenty of people need to keep their sex toys packed discreetly away, but for those of us that just leave them sitting around the house, it’s nice to have a little display case.

But chances are that many consumers don’t care about those details… you probably care more about how the toy feels on your genitals.  If you’re going to spend $99, I understand that – I would too.  The good news is that I can tell you!

All three vibrators have the same features.  The material is a type of food-grade silicone called Soft Touch, and it is water-resistant and dust-proof and pleasantly squishy.  These vibrators are the only sex toys in my house that haven’t attracted a metric ton of dust or hair.  If you’re a cat owner, you can probably understand my appreciation of that.  Each toy has two buttons that control four vibration modes – three speeds and a pulsing motion.

I find the vibrations to be more than agreeable.  For starters, they are quiet without sacrificing strength.  I can use the Iroha vibes in bed at night next to my sleeping partner without waking him up.  And while the vibrations aren’t the strongest I have ever felt, they more than adequately do the job for me.  I turn my vibrators up to the third setting (high speed) and that’s really the only one I need to use.  I have had an orgasm on the lower settings, but getting there takes considerably less time on the third.

My favorite toy of the bunch is Midori.  In addition to being a lovely green color, Midori has a very simple rounded shape with a nub on one end.   Midori is recommended for use on all erogenous zones.  I press that nub against my clitoris and I’m pretty sure that my vagina sings.  It provides broad stimulation instead of pinpoint, and I’ve discovered that broad stimulation is really good for me.  The nub carries the vibrations much better than the tip of Yuki, the white vibrator.

Yuki is recommended for stimulating the opening of your vagina, and while some people were dubious about that, I gave it a try and found that I liked it.  I didn’t have an orgasm from using Yuki alone, but the vibrations at the opening of my vagina were pleasurable.  I used Yuki in my vagina and Sakura on my clitoris at the same time and had a wonderful orgasm.

Sakura, the aptly-named pink vibrator, has two little arms that can be used in a pinching motion.  I had a lot of difficulty with this.  Trying to pinch my clitoris didn’t really work for me because it isn’t very prominent, but trying to pinch my nipple also wasn’t a wild success because it was slightly too large to sandwich in between the vibrator’s arms.    I could still reach climax using it, but I felt like I wasn’t really using it as was intended.  Then again, one might argue that there’s no “right” way to use a vibrator as long as you’re not letting your ass eat it or doing something else unsafe that will require medical attention.

There is something I do have to mention, though, that isn’t perfect about the Iroha vibrators.  Some of the earlier batches had a defect in the back panel where the buttons are located.  One of my toys had this defect, and the plastic panel popped out of the toy.  Not all the way out, but it protruded and despite how much I tried to push it back in, it wouldn’t stay in position.  The toy still functioned, but it was slightly annoying.  I was not the only person to notice this.



I got in touch with my contact at Tenga and he assured me that this defect has been fixed in future batches, and that the replacement of this toy will be covered by the 1-year warranty.  So if you’ve already bought a toy from the Iroha line and you’ve experienced this problem, just send it back in for warranty repairs by contacting global@tenga.co.jp.  I’m going to be doing this to replace my vibe that popped open.

The bottom line is that I can’t recommend the Iroha toys enough.  While the defect was a bit off-putting, the new batches seem to be holding up quite nicely, and Tenga has been very gracious about replacing the defective toys.  I think that the three Iroha vibrators are unique because they provide different options for sensation – pinching, pressing, and some internal stimulation that I think feels quite nice.  If you only buy one, my opinion is that Midori is absolutely the best.  No gimmicks there, just good vibrations.

I owe huge thanks to Tenga – they provided me the Iroha toys free of charge in exchange for an honest review, and they have been very helpful and patient with me!  Be sure to check out the Iroha website if you’re interested in learning more about these toys!  And if you’re going to buy the Iroha toys, SheVibe has them!  Yay SheVibe!

Sep 172013


Hello!  It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  I’ve been very busy and I’m also knee deep in sex toys, so I’m playing catch-up.  This is good news for you, my readers, because it means CONTENT!

First up: the Leaf Life.  The Life is a product that I’ve lusted after since I first heard about it.  It comes in a nice eco-friendly-looking box with a charging cord and a bag to hold it.  It’s attractive, ergonomic, and a beautiful shade of green.  It is made out of medical-grade silicone.  It has a single button that is located under the skin, so the entire toy has a largely seamless appearance.  It’s rechargeable AND waterproof.  The Life goes from 0 to 60 at the push of a button – you just hold it down to increase the speed, and the maximum speed is pretty great.  By all accounts, this toy is uber impressive, and it should be an orgasm machine.

But it doesn’t get me off.

Well, that’s not wholly true.  It got me off a few times, but each of those times took FOREVER.  Which is, for me, the equivalent of not getting off.  I mean, sometimes it’s fun to take an hour to reach orgasm, but it gets dull when you aren’t getting the gratification you want.  As a side note, I look back at some of my first blog posts and find that it’s hilarious that I have gone from, “Yay, a toy made me orgasm!” to, “Boo, why is it taking 20 minutes for me to come?”

When you’ve become accustomed to having speedy orgasms, sometimes you find yourself sitting there, not orgasming, with genitals stuffed to the brim with sex paraphernalia and you’re like, “Maybe I should go make a sandwich or something.”  One time I actually fell asleep for a few minutes while it was on and between my legs.  And this just in: apparently yelling “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” at the top of your lungs in the general direction of your genitals doesn’t make you reach orgasm more quickly.  Who knew?

The bottom line is that if I’m hoping to get off in ten to twenty minutes or less, I have learned that I just can’t reach for this toy.  And that’s hard for me, from a reviewer’s standpoint.  I can’t say that this is a bad toy, because it’s actually a very good toy from a technical standpoint – it is attractive, it boasts a fair amount of power, and I think it’s pretty well-designed.  I like it as a device, and I desperately want to have orgasms with it, but it just isn’t very effective for me.

What this toy did do for me was help me gain some perspective on what I need in a vibrator.  At the same time that I was reviewing this toy I also received the Tenga Iroha line to review (you’ll get to read that soon, I promise).  While the Life was faster than the Iroha vibrators, the Iroha toys got me off in ways that the Life just couldn’t.  The key difference, I think, is that the Iroha vibrators cover a broad surface area, whereas the Life has a really small tip.  The Life is clearly meant to offer pinpoint stimulation, and I think that’s what just doesn’t do it for me.  In retrospect, Epiphora noted the nature of the pinpoint stimulation in her review… but when I asked to review the Life I had no idea what kind of stimulation I liked.  So while I’m sad that I’m not a pinpoint-stimulation kind of person who can fully enjoy this beautiful sex toy, I am happy that I’ve learned a bit more about my body.

I don’t recommend buying it if you know you prefer broad stimulation.  If you aren’t sure if you like pinpoint stimulation, I would look for a cheaper alternative to try first before I dropped $99 on the Life.  While it’s an attractive toy to have in your toybox, you probably want to get some orgasms out of it, too.

If you’re disappointed that I haven’t trashed the toy in this review, I suppose I can touch on couple things… there’s a barely-perceptible seam along the bottom of the toy, but it doesn’t bother me during use or cleaning.  The only (minor) flaw I’ve found is that the Life is a little bit vroom-y in terms of sound.  It isn’t the loudest toy I’ve ever heard, but it’s not the quietest, either.  It’s just kind of buzzy.  I think the sound that it puts out is fair for the power you get from it.  I wouldn’t use it when I’m masturbating in bed at night beside my sleeping fiance, though.  (By the way, I can’t be the only person in the world that asks, “Can I masturbate beside someone with this toy without them noticing,” right?)

If you like pinpoint stimulation, sleek ergonomic design, feeling good about buying eco-friendly, and that sexy, sexy shade of green, you can get the Leaf Life at Shevibe.  Go forth, my minions, and shop!


The Leaf Life was graciously provided to me for free by Shevibe in exchange for an honest review.

Jun 272013

shilobumpPackers are very special to me.  As someone who has always wanted a penis, nothing gives me more glee than having my own dick, however fake it may be.  New York Toy Collective is a sex-positive novelty company that was founded just last year.  Their products are made from premium platinum base silicone and are intended to be self-affirming gender expression tools.  SheVibe was kind enough to send me the Shilo Pack & Play and The Love Bump, the only two products that New York Toy Collective has put out so far.


The Shilo Pack & Play is a dual-purpose packer that can be worn for packing (obviously) or for sex.  The Shilo seems to be dual-density, with a bendable rod hidden beneath the firm inner core.  This rod allows you to position the Shilo however you like: straight forward, curved up or down, hanging a little low and to the left… whatever suits your needs.  The Shilo isn’t the first packer to be posable, but that level of posability seems kind of ingenious for an insertable toy.  I’ll talk about why I emphasize seems in a moment.

The Shilo

My first impression of the Shilo was mixed.  On one hand, it’s cool as hell, there’s no denying that.  On the other hand, I was astonished by just how large it was, and the base seemed pretty huge.  Trying to wear the packer without a harness didn’t work for me because my front isn’t very flat, so the base stuck out and created an unnatural, decidedly un-dick-like bulge in the front of my panties.  I’m forced to wear this thing with a harness if I want to wear it comfortably or leave the house in it.  Fortunately, I have my handy-dandy Joque, or I would be a very, very sad Shilo owner.  The Shilo comes in four colors, and the one you see in my pictures if called cashew.

More on the length: That’s six inches of dick that you’re stuffing in your pants.  Six inches all the time.  Not three soft and six hard.  It can seem overwhelming at first if your last packer was comparatively shorter and much softer (as mine was).  Your best bet with the Shilo is to tuck it between your thighs.  When I was wearing the Shilo with the Love Bump, tucking the Shilo between my fat thighs was somewhat uncomfortable.  The Love Bump was just in the way.  If you’re going for realism, though, then you can’t get any better than that.

The silicone is awesome, too.  I’ve been told it feels comparable to VixSkin, but since I don’t own any VixSkin dildos, I can’t make that comparison for you.  I do, however, own a Tantus Cush O2, and I can tell you that outer layer of the Shilo is considerably squishier than the Cush.  When I inserted the Shilo, the material felt great.  That squishy outer layer is pleasant, and the head is kind of pronounced, which is wonderful when you’re thrusting.  However, here’s where the “seems ingenious for an insertable toy” thing comes in.  If you’re using the Shilo as a strap-on with a partner, the posability isn’t much of a problem – you can just keep the toy rigid with your hand.  If you use the Shilo on yourself, there’s going to be some fumbling, because that bendable rod in the core will try to bend as you push the toy against yourself.  It’s not a huge inconvenience, but if you have dreams of being able to use the Shilo like a curved dildo, they’re going to be shattered.  Even if you manage to maintain the bent shape during insertion, the bend will probably straighten back out during use.  There’s nothing wrong with a straight dildo – I have plenty of them and I love them – but if you’re hoping that the posability will be a game-changer in the bedroom, I think you’re going to be disappointed.

2009-01-01 00.01.02

The Love Bump

The Love Bump is kind of ridiculous looking.  It’s a pair of balls.  It reminds me of stretched earlobes, except… you know.  With balls.  And stuff.  The Love Bump comes with a removable bullet vibrator that fits into a small hole located on the side of the balls.  New York Toy Collective suggests the Love Bump for added realism, added stimulation, and extra cushioning when having sex.  When I used the Shilo on myself with the Love Bump attached, the balls mostly got in the way.  However, that was masturbation, and you have to consider that this dildo is geared more toward packing and couples’ play than it is toward solo play.

Do I think the Shilo is worth it?  TOTALLY.  I haven’t sampled enough packers to call the Shilo the ultimate packer, but it’s pretty freakin’ awesome.  If you’re looking for gender expression tools you can pack and play with, I urge you to pick up the Shilo and the Love Bump at Shevibe.




Jun 092013

Happy Birthday Sugarcunt Writes!

Happy birthday dear blog!  Two years ago today I made the first post on Sugarcunt Writes – The Mighty Mini Mite.  That’s right, the first toy I ever reviewed was your run-of-the-mill pocket rocket, and I loved it.  It was the first orgasm I had without having to digitally stimulate myself at the same time, and it was AWESOME.  The thing is sitting in a bag and never gets any use now, because I have graduated to bigger, better, and pricier vibes, but I still stand by what it did for me: proved that a vibrator could actually get me off and that I wasn’t doomed to live out the rest of my days being the girl that couldn’t come.

Naturally, since I have become a serious adult with serious adult sex toys (stop laughing at me), I am not giving away a pocket rocket.  You can pick one up just about anywhere for around $15 or so.  Instead, I partnered up with a very wonderful store called Our Naughty Secrets to bring you two awesome toys: the Jopen Key Comet G-Spot Wand and the Tantus Ryder.  I wanted to give away something good for the G-spot and good for the ass.  Now hear me out: I have a Comet, but I do not have a Ryder.  However, I’m having a hard time finding people who haven’t enjoyed it, and Epiphora even said it should be a toybox staple.  If you don’t trust my blind judgment, and you don’t trust the peanut gallery, at least trust Epiphora, because really, if you can’t trust her, who CAN you trust?

That’s enough out of me.  I know you’re going to ignore those first two paragraphs and scroll straight to the giveaway box anyway, so have at it.  Good luck to each and every one of you!  While you’re waiting to find out who won, I urge you to go mosey over to Our Naughty Secrets and take a gander at their stock.  Thank you for sponsoring this giveaway, ONS!

Oh, P.S. – These items are being mailed in their original, unopened packaging directly from me.  I have cats.  My cats are curious about what is in the big prize box.  If you are so allergic to cats that anything that has been within 10 feet of a cat will kill you, use your judgment about whether or not you should enter this giveaway.  Maybe you can get a friend to unbox the toy for you?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Jun 042013

We’re going to have an adventure together very soon: my 2-year blogiversary and a corresponding giveaway!  I’m giving away a Jopen Key Comet G-spot Wand and a Tantus Ryder!  There will be two winners, so make sure you enter for both items if you want them!  This is your formal invitation to join me on June 9th, when the giveaway starts.  Make sure you check it out!

And of course, there are upcoming reviews.  Soooo many upcoming reviews.  I just have to stop playing Second Life long enough to write them.  (More challenging than it sounds.)  Here’s what’s on top of the toybox:


And did I mention there’s an Eroscillator in my possession?  EEEEEEE!  I’m hoping to get some attachments for it so I can use it!  I’ll review them (and the entire kit and caboodle) when I do.

May 302013

The re-released Bad Dragon Janine the Anthro Dragonness

Bad Dragon recently released a brand-spankin’ new version of one of their masturbation sleeves, Janine the Anthro Dragoness.  I’ve been in lust with Bad Dragon for a long time, so I was very excited to have an opportunity to review the new Janine.  There was only one problem… I don’t have a working penis.

But my partner does!  And so without further ado, I present to you my partner’s review of the new Janine:

So, caveat before I begin: I’m not a sex toy reviewer. I’m not aware of any of the etiquette or niceties of the craft. I’m going to tell you what I thought, because that’s what I was asked to do. It may not work for you. Different people with different physical logistics and different needs may not feel the same way I did.

First, Janine is a masturbation sleeve. I’ve quietly and discreetly looked at sleeves before, back in my single days. Thanks to Zack and Miri Make a Porno I heard about the Fleshlight for the first time, and didn’t even realize before that there were sex toys for men. I guess I kind of always assumed there were, but I’m a simple kind of guy. I don’t like to complicate my “me time.” In fact, maybe because of the way male masturbation is a subject of both jokes and demonization, my “me time” used to be as quick as possible. Even living alone, it wasn’t an act I tried to draw out for extended pleasure time. It was a means to an end for relief. A scratch to an itch.

Janine is not a dragon vagina, per se. From a biological standpoint, if dragons had anything it would be a cloaca – assuming dragons are like most reptiles. And while it might be neat to fuck a cloaca, I doubt there’d be a dragon small enough that you wouldn’t outright fall into its cloaca during a sexual encounter. So this sleeve is a dark-colored, squishy (think stress ball squishy, but for your dick) human-esque vagina, complete with a tiny hood and tiny dragon clit. Just like in Skyrim.

The top of Janine is surrounded by a crown of scale-shaped silicone, which other than the color is the only thing dragon-esque about the sleeve. Which is OK with me. I’m here for the fucking, not the gimmick. The top is shaped with a nice curve above the hood and below the opening that fits neatly both against my balls and my pelvis, providing the right pressure in the right places that regular intercourse does.

I’ve used the sleeve with two kinds of water-based lube so far. It’s really important to lube the opening and inside of the sleeve and run a little on your cock before insertion. Otherwise you’re in for the silicone equivalent of carpet burn. I got hard and slid on in.

My first impression is that it was kind of weird, because I’ve never used a sleeve before. The insertion itself isn’t a real “wow” experience, as Janine has no special textures inside designed for pleasure that I can feel. The opening was about the size of my head. I used the sleeve a few times, and each time I felt like I kind of had to shove it in to get past my head, but then it was fine once I got going.

Where it shines is ergonomics and suction. The sleeve itself looks like someone took a large black dildo and cut off the tip, then drilled out the middle for you to fuck it. It’s a little heavy, but you’ll appreciate that weight once it’s on your dick. Since it’s shaped like a cock, it fits nicely in one or two hands (I have big hands, I can see someone with smaller hands needing to use two) and operation is pretty similar to how I masturbate, only it feels way better than my hand would.

The stylized end is, of course, the vagina-shaped opening, and the other end is just a tiny hole that I assume is there to make sure your dick doesn’t get stuck in it from suction. On the other hand, you can squeeze the sleeve while you’re inside it both on or above your penis and the suction gives you that eyes-rolling-back-biting-my-lower-lip-deep-moan pleasure. Thrust, squeeze, slide, release, rinse, repeat. It feels great from lying on my back and I also tried fucking it from on top – for me it’s a pretty good way to get off. And the toy reminds me I’m doing this for my pleasure, it’s not just an itch that needs scratching – I can take my time.

NewOnLeftOldOnRightAnd there’s your firsthand account of Janine!  From a sex toy enthusiast standpoint, I can tell it’s a pretty high quality toy.  How does it differ from the original Janine?  Well, most prominently, it’s bigger.  We don’t have an original Janine, but Bad Dragon sent some very convenient comparison photos.  In the photo you see here, the original Janine is that smaller toy on the right and the new Janine is the on the left.  That’s a lot more bang for your buck!

We owe a huge thank you to Bad Dragon for providing us with Janine in exchange for a review!  I strongly encourage you to visit Bad Dragon and check out all of their quality products.